Written by March, 11th, 2019. Phineas O’Shields. I always like starting my diary entries with my name as I rather enjoy the sound of it. It’s a proper name for a proper dog like myself who has an incredible amount of projects going at the same time. This blog, for example, is indeed one of the many projects that I must manage, and though my dad Charlie does his best, for a human, I’m quite sure I could write it better if I’d only learned to type. Thankfully, with modern technology, I can just speak in dictation and everything is magically typed and translated for me. Yes, Google Translate, so apologies in advance for anything that comes across as a bit weird or regrettably insane. And do forgive my intrusion as I’m quite sure my dad was going to do some prompted post for today, no doubt something silly, but I asked him to sketch me and gave my permission to post this instead. It was starting to feel a bit rude to simply hide in the background when I know my fans would be eager to hear what I have to say. It doesn’t matter how small you are or how small people might make you feel, you should always take the time to speak your mind. So, this is what I’d like to say today.
Yesterday, I caught Charlie reading a blog post aloud to Philippe that was all about me. The post itself was written by another dog, who apparently has impeccably good taste, named Freddie Parker Westerfield. Note to self, must ask the dads what middle name they’ve given me, though best not to ask just after I’ve pulled the cotton out of the couch cushion again. But, in my defense, it’s a hideous couch and all of my efforts to subtly send that message have, to date, sadly failed. And all of my Alexa orders for a new couch made while the dads were out have been mysteriously cancelled. At any rate, I was pleased that Mr. Westerfield set the record straight on several key points. I’m, not an ultra-conservative, of course, I just believe only what I can see with my own two eyes and am generally distrustful of everyone. For example, this time of year my dads talk about something they call a “tornado” and since I’ve never seen one, I know they must simply be a myth. It’s not rocket science. Though I’m not entirely sure what that expression even means. And I don’t take credit for anything I didn’t have a paw in as that would be horribly tactless. It’s just that I’m rather sure that, from the way my dads act, they couldn’t live without me.
And since diaries are meant to be a place where we’re allowed to make little confessions to ourselves, I guess I can mention that I really couldn’t live without them either. Sure, I may sniff in dissatisfaction when things don’t go properly around here, but that’s just a bit of training. Even the best dads need that. The world couldn’t possibly understand our hopes and dreams if we didn’t make them known. And since I spend the majority of the day curled up in a ball and sleeping, I have more dreams than are possible to count. I still remember my dreams from years ago now, when I was sitting in that orphanage and hoping suitable parents would arrive and take me home. Yes, I’m adopted, if I failed to mention that, but that doesn’t mean that my dads aren’t really mine. Unlike tornadoes, I see them every day, so I know they’re real. We’re a tiny family, but one built on a firm foundation of love and treats. There’s really nothing else required to live a happy life. Though, since you’ve no doubt read by bestselling book entitled Good, you probably already know that. (NOTE TO EDITOR: “add Amazon link here”… NOTE FROM EDITOR DAD: “Sorry, I couldn’t find it, buddy. Must have sold out again…”). I’m getting a bit tired, so I should probably curl up in a ball and have another nap. I know this may make me seem a bit lazy, but truly, it’s really just taking a bit of time to dream again.
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Dear Phineas, Canine Dog,
I am so pleased you have finally asserted yourself and taken Charlie’s blog-by-the-tail. Being the Canine-behind-the Blog is fine but it does nothing to further our cause of equal equality for humans unless we canines raise our voices in solidarity for those we have rescued.
Frankly,
Freddie Parker Westerfield, CHT, CCT, RET
Certified Human Trainer, Certified Canine Therapist
Roving reporter, Editor-in-Canine
P.S. Thank your for recognizing my impeccable good taste. It was an honor to write about you and now to know my endeavor was rewarded by elevating your blogging status.
Freddie my friend, I’m so thrilled you enjoyed this post! Yes, I’m dictating this to my dad to type. And you’ve not only a middle name but a host of certifications following it, which now make me feel even more honored by your post about me. And yes, I would take the lead on the blog, but honestly, I’ve watched my dad and daily blogging seems perfectly exhausting. I’d much rather have a fine nap. ❤️
Phineas, if I had a tail I’d be wagging it now. I do have a brow, but I don’t speak with it as elegantly as you do, so I only have the phantom tail wag to express how impressed I am by the way you manage this blog and your humans!
Hello, Sandra! Phineas here! If you had a tail you’d look perfectly ridiculous as they’re really best sported on a canine. But I’m thrilled you enjoyed my post and you seem like one of those impossibly rare good humans. 💕
This is hilarious!!! 😂🤣😃 and such a cute painting.
Thanks so much, June! 😃💕 Phineas simply insisted he finally have his say. Glad you enjoyed it!
Oh, Phineas…. Just wanted to say, I could not have fitted you with a better pair of glasses. You certainly have a good optician.
They suit you well..color, size and shape! 🤓
Phineas here! Thank you June for your impeccable taste!😃💕 These are designer glasses. I can’t remember the name, but someone less famous than I. But I do enjoy them!
😁😂🤣😃😄😅😆
Dear Phineas,
You are an amazing being. What a joy to read your work, and to see your awesome portrait.
I am signing up for the Phineas O’Shields fan club. It is my first ever membership in a fan
club, so I am suitably mesmerized.
.
Charlie…Phineas is a natural born blogger. I am totally enamored with him and his writing.
forgive me my friend, but I must tell you this is my new favorite post on doodlewash. As
for the portrait of the astute Mr. Phineas O’Shields (btw, what is his middle name?) it is
a true work of art that is cherished. I note the blue in the frames of his glasses, a bit more
conservative than your brighter blue ones, but still they offer just the right balance of reserve
and that hint of contained frivolity.
I love everything about this article and painting.
Thanks so my friend! 😃💕 Phineas is indeed an exceptional dog and he told me to tell you that the fan club membership comes at a cost of 5 treats a day. That’s simply for the Silver membership, but if you’d like to move to Platinum it’s only 50 treats a day and something you should consider. I’ve no idea where he comes up with all of this stuff, but I guess dreaming all of the time does indeed make one much more creative. 😉
Tell Mr. Phineas ‘Platinum it is!’
😊
I’m thrilled, Phineas, to hear your voice in this blog at last! I know how how busy you’ve been behind the scenes, humoring Charlie, who, of course, believes he is the mastermind of Doodlewash. His portrait of you is quite nice – thank you for permitting him to display it. You should demand to know your middle name immediately! I’m looking forward to your next party
with furry friends and VIP humans.
Phineas here… dad… you’re typing slowly and making me nervous that you won’t get all of what I’m saying… thank you my dear Sharon. 😃💕 It’s no small task to give this house and blog in order. As for my middle name I think I heard them say “Finn” once, but that’s just a nickname of my actual name so that can’t possibly be right. As to parties… I regrettably can’t handle them. The last one I attended I bit through my leash and peed on the floor. I’ve no idea what they put in that punch, but I’m having my lawyers look into it.
Dear Phineas,
After reading this brilliant article, I can see where Charlie gets his writing talent. You’re obviously his best muse, and I can tell you’ve encouraged him to grow and mature as an artist.
You have all the humor talent in the family. It’s well known that anyone who knows how to be funny is an extremely intelligent person, though not all intelligent people are also funny, Sadly it’s not a trait that can be learned so you get to keep this one for yourself.
You look adorable all curled up with your paws by your ears. As for the middle name – may I suggest “Tornado” – Phineas Tornado O’Shields has a decent sound to it.
Hello my dear, Sharon! 😃💕 Phineas here. You’ve no doubt read my book as you seem to understand Good. Yes, I think I have all of the writing talent and humor in this family, but I’m impressed sometimes what my dads are able to pull off with their limited skills. Don’t tell them that, as that’s something best reserved for a diary. And yes… “Tornado” would be a lovely middle name as it evokes mystery and intrigue, since we all know they’re quite mythological.
Dear Phineas,
I am so glad that I stumbled over your blog post early in the day. Reading about your points of view was really quite uplifting, which I am in sore need of, coughing my lung out in bits and pieces (or so it seems) and not having been able to sleep due to that for at least three night straight. That can make a human quite cranky, believe me.
I always wanted to acquire a new cat, but perhaps I should rather go for a cute little dog (as my daughter keeps proposing all the time). So I do hope to be reading from you again very soon. Have a nice nap!
You’re too kind my friend! 😃💕Dad… you’re typing slow again… she’s going to want to hear what I have to say so please step it up a notch, won’t you old chap? I’ve no idea what a lung is, but if it’s meant to be inside you, then coughing up bits of it sounds indeed troubling. I do hope you sort it out soon. What? Oh yes… please get well soon, I mean. I’m so happy my post was able to provide a bit of joy to your day! And as for that cat… yes, I’d recommend taking a hard pass on that one. A dog would be so much more desirable.
Kirbie cat diary:
Really? It’s none of anyone’s business. Go away. And FYI, we cats are evolving. When we have opposable thumbs and can open cans, we’ll have no use for humans whatsoever. Be prepared.
My dear Kirbie… Yes, I agree, that this diary posts should normally be kept private, but one must do what they can for the fans. And yes, those opposable thumbs have made humans feel way too superior. I’ve always said that we furry friends are just a thumb away from taking over the world! 😉
To present fini dear , in ur block is a great time to show your love to an animal . Very nice work to making fini. thanks
Thanks, Snehlata! 😃💕 So happy you enjoyed this! Phineas insisted he have his say!
Dear Phineas,
I hope you won’t mind me using your first name. I asked my mom to read me your blog post. She usually reads your dad’s every morning while drinking her first coffee, but this morning she said “Mr Fluff, something for you in here”. And indeed, what a delight it has been. My mom is French, but she understands English (and she thinks she is special… she has no idea how many languages we dogs understand and speak fluently, right ?). Me, I am Spanish, and I was adopted too, and although my dad never wanted a dog, well, here I am, getting kisses from him every single day. I could talk to you all day, but as I had my last nap micro-minutes ago, obviously I am nackered again and need to go to sleep asap. I really hope I’ll be hearing from you soon.
Mr Fluffy the Fluff.
PS: Tornado? Those humans really don’t know what to invent next, right ?!
My dear Mr. Fluffy the Fluff, I’m so thrilled you enjoyed my post! 😃💕 I’m equally thrilled to hear from another adopted canine like myself. It’s true, humans get rather excited with themselves for speaking another language while failing to acknowledge that we can speak all of them. Well, at least all of the bits that matter. Words are simply a translation of the heart and we know how to speak from the heart better than anyone. Yes, I know, tornadoes… it’s comical to them invent such things. But I too must retire now as a nap is once again calling.
So good to hear about the “real” insights into your home Phineas! Some days I wonder about that Charlie guy. ;p
My dear, Lori! 😃💕 Phineas here! Yes, you’re entirely not alone… nearly everyone grows to wonder about that Charlie guy at some point. But he’s a rather satisfactory dad, so I’ll keep him around for now.
Amazing post, Phineas is quite the little writer. Wonderful painting of him Charlie.
Thanks so much, Sandra! 😃💕 Phineas finally insisted to have his say. Glad you enjoyed what he said!
Nice to hear from you Phineas!
Thanks so much, Jodi! 😃💕Phineas here… I think you have a dog in your family as well who shares the same name as my dad? I’m sure he much smarter though. Thrilled you enjoyed my post!
celebrate the fact that you were able to get it taken care of and make the best of this time. A day at a time… an hour at a time… a minute at a time if you need. Hang in!!!
Oh my God! I just read this whole thing with a British accent in my ear! lol
Brilliant, that’s the way it should be read! 😃💕I only ever speak the proper Queen’s English… anything else is rather vulgar.
Just what this world needs is more Phineas! Congrats. Now don’t teach my Brie about Alexa please. I have a few ideas of what she would order!
Thanks, Thomas! 😃💕 Phineas here! I’m thrilled you enjoyed my post. And apologies in advance if Brie and Alexa are the same names from my social feed. We’ve already chatted and wonderful changes will be coming soon!
Enjoyed this – Dog with a blog – mini series..hope to hear more…
Thanks, Anita! 😃💕 hehe… yeah, I’m not sure when I’ll be giving Phineas the computer again. I’m never sure what he’ll come up with. But it might just happen again someday.